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Real Life Resumé Bloopers Appearing in Fortune Magazine
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason for leaving job: maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time!"
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never quit a job."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to me resume on my office voice mail."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
As Published By The Bathroom Readers' Institute, Ashland, OR, 2000
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